Making Friends and Mom Life

If you dislike reading life stories then you can scroll down to the end to read tips on making friends and mom life!

Making Friends and Mom Life

There are so many things that are hard once you become a mom. I hear a lot that breastfeeding is the hardest thing (and it can be), but in my own experience and opinion I think that making and keeping friends (close or best) has been the hardest.

Before I had children I was generally very sociable and had an easy time making friends. I believed that the friends I had after high school were also going to be lifetime friends who stood by my side, as well as, my kids side. So when I got pregnant I was excited.

My best friends from high school are still my best friends. We all live far apart. Three of the four of us have kids, have different parenting styles, but are respectful of each other’s choices. [Image of four friends jumping in the air in the middle of a store]

My friendships changed after having a kid though. The fact that these friends didn’t support my parenting style even though I supported theirs were deal breakers for our friendship.  For instance my “best” friends (post high school) were against me breastfeeding publicly that one time we went out to dinner and my friend’s husband blocked me with a big balloon. A joke to them was not a joke to me. I quickly learned that people who disrespected me or my child were not welcomed into my life.

Losing these friends really hurt because at that time of my life I was a full-time working mom. My days consisted of commuting, working, then coming home to do stuff with my son. I did not have much time to go out and find friends nor did I have the resources. Experiences like above also made me pretty closed off. I could have hung out with work friends but you know what that will lead to, talking about work, and I wanted to disconnect from work. So I leaned on husband and family as my close and best friends. I realize now what a privilege it is to still be living closely to my family. Some moms don’t have that which can make life harder.

Low and behold, somehow and someway, I found a babywearing group and I began volunteering for it. I found like-minded moms and parents who were quirky and fun. A lot of them were stay at home moms or work from home moms, some were full-time working moms with flexible schedules. This opened up my eyes. These women inspired me to find true happiness, have a voice and live unapologetically. But at the same time of happiness there was sadness. Friends don’t always stay put. They move because of career changes, life choices and/or because they’re military. So in my time of making close and best friends, I’ve had to lose them and start all over. This is what I meant about keeping friends. This is hard.

The first educators of Babywearing International of Oahu. These ladies were very welcoming! [Picture of four moms sitting in front of four moms standing. All moms are babywearing. The ocean and sunset is in the background.]

Anyway a bit into the future I left my full-time job to pursue working from home. This gave me a flexible schedule and the time to make my life the way I wanted it. I knew I wanted to find friends (I won’t lie, it was a top priority!). By this time my son was older and I had to find ways to get him out of the house to keep my sanity and still find time to get work in. This is how we found Hiking with Keiki and met a whole bunch of badass friends. But holy shit, this was hard too; working from home was hard.

I had time to be a good mom and make friends, but then business would struggle. So in order to be a better entrepreneur I became a stickler for managing my fun. Needless to say I found out that I could be my own worse enemy because I was not allowing myself to be more open to friendships; the crash and burn of trying to do it all but having nothing.

There have been other factors in why making friends has been difficult though. There have been times when a mom wants to be my best friend too fast, who checks up on me too often, who doesn’t know what space is. There have been moms who are too much drama or their kids and my kids don’t mesh. It does take two to make any relationship work but it can take one to push boundaries too far.

I feel like my experience of making friends and mom life is one we can use to help us learn a lesson. That regardless if you’re a full-time working mom, working from home mom or stay at home mom, you’re likely going to struggle finding friends some time in your life.

My friend and her family came down recently. She’s moved away but we’ve kept in touch. Sometimes friends make a return! [Image of two moms with their four kids, all smiling together on a couch.]
So I created some tips that I think could be helpful if you are a mom and need mom friends. I know I can’t speak for everyone and I know not everyone will agree with me, especially because I tend to be too blunt. But here are my tips that I’ve created from my own experiences (these are not in any specific order):

  • Be unapologetically you. Not the mom you, the YOU YOU. Who were you before kids, what were you interested in, how did you act, what kinds of things did you do, what kinds of things intrigue you now? Don’t be so stuck in being a mom or being a business person that you prevent friendships from growing.
  • Be chill. Be calm. If you become pushy and become a leech then you will surely push others away and/or suck the life out of them too fast. Friendships don’t grow overnight, they grow over many many nights.
  • NO sanctimommy stuff. Don’t act all Godly when you’re not.
  • Be okay with your friends having other friends….yeah, don’t be that controlling friend.
  • Get out there and mingle with other moms. Mingling sucks but you truly have to get out there and meet other moms. The more moms you meet the more likely you will find like-minded moms who you can hang with.
  • Don’t get butt hurt if you and another mom don’t become friends. Just move on, it’s okay to not be friends with everyone.
  • Be okay being by yourself.
  • Let your ancestors know that you want or need friends and be patient!! You might go without close or best friends for a long time (I did!) but by letting your ancestors know you need this, they will listen and they will send some good f-ing people your way.

I am very serious about the last tip. I have some good f-ing friends right now and know I’m truly blessed. Soon enough I will sadly see one move away, and the other two are military so eventually they will move too. I know that before finding these ladies I had to patiently wait. I know I’ll go through a period of time that I will have to patiently wait again. But I know that all my tips above have and will continue to help me.

I know not all moms can relate to what I’ve written. But I am certain there are some who can. I hope that you find your group or one friend who stays by your side. It is worth the wait. Worth the wait it is.

I don’t know how I got blessed with these ladies. Took me some time to find my group but it was worth the ups and downs. #blessed [Photo of four ladies dressed up with Haku leis standing in a garden.]

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